Hetalian Jobs
by Determined Artist
Summary: Some random stories about nations getting jobs like a baker, a psychiatrist, and a guard of a soda wear house.
1. Italy's Job

"Geez, what am I going to do with him?" Germany muttered to himself as he watched his Italian tag-along flirt with active ladies to his little heats content. It has been a few since Italy stared telling him. All through that time has been trying to find for him to make himself useful, but the Italian kept messing everything up. He was a lousy mechanic, he gets scared real easy, and he has the attention span of a four year-old. "Think, there has to be something for that fool to do?"

"Mr. Germany!" A German soldier called out as he ran towards the German.

"Yeah; what is it?"

"Our dock's look-out gotten himself captured by the Allies."

"But that was our last one?"

"I know. Sir, what are we going to do?"

"Hm?" Where are they going to find a new look-out. The person has to be alert, fire the flare gun, and run out of there at a drop of hat. Just then his darted back to Italy who was still flirting. "Say, I believe I might have a new look-out."

Later the night, Germany stood with Italy at the docks. The Italian man looked sacred of his mind. "Hey Germany? Why are we here?"

"You going to the job of being the look-out."

"Huh?! I can't, I've two guys get captured by the Allies!"

"Here." The German man said as he hand Italy the gun." Normally, he would think twice about handing gun to the fool, but it was just flare gun; he doubt Italy could cause much damage with that, beside Italy did have some knowledge in fire arms, though as terrible as he was at using them."

"Look, Italy, all you have to do is look out to the ocean if see Ally boats, Ja?"

"S-si."

"Good stand here and watch, I'll be back in the mourning." But that did not come. Just about an hour later, Germany saw a flare going off with Italy zipping passed him just seconds after. It later turns out that Italy mistook his allies' boat for his enemy's and it would be a while before Germany got another look out and figures out that Italy strengths lie in kitchen more so then the battle field.


	2. Switzerland's Job

In the middle of the night, the personification of Switzerland stood in front of wall, proud. His rifle in his hands, as he keeps a close to his surroundings. The nation kind of got roped into this by his bosses, but Switzerland didn't seem to mind it all that much, despite what his face might say.

He was protecting a soda wear-house from robber and though he loved to whack his superiors the robbers, and whoever invented a stupid wear-house like this, up-side-the-head, he could complained. He much rather do this than go back his old mercenary days.

Just then, something rustled in the bushes near-bye. "Who goes there?!" He commanded, muscles tense and all set to fire his weapon, if need to. At that moment, the shaking stopped. It took about a few a seconds of the Swizz man pointing his gun the bush before two people popped-out and made a dashed for it. "DAMN IT! COME BACK HERE,?! NOBODY GETS PASSED MY FROTRESS!" The Swizz was soon at full purist. Before the intruders knew it Switzerland dashed close to them. At that moment, at a better look, he saw the trespassers were America and Denmark. So it's it you two huh?! Come back or I'll beat you with my peace prize.

"AHH! RUN FOR IT DUDE?!"

"AHHH!"

Meanwhile, in the control room, Prussia slept without noticing a thing with beer bottles littered all around.

It took good long while Switzerland managed to catch his two fellow nations, shoot theme several times, and hand them off to England and Norway, who ticked-off at the trouble-some-duo.

At that same time, Prussia got fired from his job, though he wasn't bummed-by it. He didn't like it anyways.

As for Switzerland, he enjoyed his job, more than what he expected and was up for more even if it happen to involve America and Denmark again.


	3. Poland's Job

Romano was looking at a magazine that happen to have pretty girls on them. One of those was a picture of a blond woman that a little like a grown up version Lichtenstein that he like the looks of.

"Hey Romano, like nice day is it not?" The Italian nation looked up with ticked expression too see Poland.

"Yeah... What do you want but sniffer?!" Romano answered in his typical angered manner.

"Like, is that this month's issue of Ms. Lady's Magazine?"

"Yeah; what of it?"

"Like, did you see me in there? I was like so sexy in there?" At that moment, the Italian nation's eyes widen and his jaw dropped a bit. He soon opened the book back up and scrutinize until he found that blond woman. Romano's eyes and mouth opened to their maxed. The attractive woman was indeed Poland, dressed as a beautiful woman with pink outfit. He thought that turd France looked like a woman, but Poland kick his pretty butt at that. The Italian's peered up again with a very disbelief and perplex face, holding his breath. "Yeah, like that's me. They like ran out of like models, so they like asked me to like model for them."

"YOU GOT PAID TO DRESS UP LIKE ***** WOMAN?!"

"Like yeah."

"*********!"


	4. The Italy Brother's Job

The Italy brothers was in a haunted house attraction at a amusement park dress as monsters being force to scare little kids and some stupid adults. At the time Romano wondered, how the ***** did he get himself into this mess. Well... This answerer was simple. They were asked by a bunch of cute girls and being the flirts they were, they got suckered into it, while the ladies fled. Needless to say, Romano blamed his brother for this misfortune. "You are so stupid!" Romano commented, anger filled his voice as stared down his brother.

"Whaaa!"

"Next time, don't act so childish when scaring people dumb butt?!"

"But Romano-?!" Just then, the brothers heard foots steps passing by.

"Don't screw this up crumb breathe?"

Meanwhile, Japan walked in a calm fashion with America walking behind, using him for a human shield. "Man, this place is really scaring?"

"Uh? Hai, it is definitely, uh?... Eerie."

"Dude, you don't think this ride is truly haunted?"

"Iie..." At that moment, a ghost and a headless horse sprang up. America screamed like a little girl hugging Japan tight while Japan appeared to be unfazed.

"America? Japan?" Italy question before taking off the blanket over him. "Ciao!"

"Oh great? It's these dirt brains."

"Italy?... Hahahaha! Oh, man you had us good dude!"

"Si? Grazie America."

"*******!"

"Um, Italy-san what are you and Romano-san doing here?"

"Ve, cute girls asked to help them."

"Cute girls asked us to help? Hphm; more like ******s who don't want to do a damn thing and dumb all their *** work on ****s!" The group stared at Romano in silence for a bit, before Italy spoke up.

"Hey, what are doing here?"

"Hahaha! Some kids dare me the hero to in here to see if this place is really haunted and Japan decided to come along."

"I-uh?" Japan stuttered just before being slap on the back by America. After America and Japan said their farewells left, Romano felt like he wanted bang his head on wall. He was the only one out them that was scaring others. The other times, Italy kept being scared of the props laying around or he make friend with their victims.

"*****!"

"Aww! Don't worry, it isn't so bad. This is a lot of fun." All of sudden the Italian duo heard foot step, a bit more the America, Japan were. They went back ready to scare who ever coming, but as they did. "Nice day, da?"

"Ru-Ru-RUSSIA?! AHHHHHH! **********!" Romano shouted out before he and Italy made a mad dash out of the area.

"Too bad, I was hoping it would be scarier. He-he."


	5. Prussia's 'Not' So Awesome Job

**Author's note:** This is kind of my take on why the show's ending songs that centered around Prussia makes him seem more drunk then the last.

Warring: excessive use of the word, awesome. Stylistic choice.

* * *

Prussia, the country of awesomeness found the perfect job his awesomeness. The most awesome job _ever._ A job at being a rock star. He was so excited that the first day on the job he came in wobbly and with a slurred speech; reason being that the night before, he celebrated on his successes at an awesome bar that needed his awesomeness. Let's just say he had an awesome time.

He done the recording in his awesomely as ever, but passed out at the end with Gilbrid flying circles over his head. The awesome people told him to go wild and he did. "What should we do?" One guy asked America as they sat in the control room. "Should we wait until he sobers up?"

"Hahahaha! Neah dude, it's cool. He did an awesome job. Hahahaha!" Despite the guy's doubts and thinking that the two nations were insane, they sent out the CD's anyways. While there were some people like Italy and Denmark who thought it was the best thing ever, people like Austria thought it was a disgrace to the music industry. As for Germany, he regretting in telling his brother to get a job to buy some 'special' magazines that he wanted.


	6. Germany's Job

**Author's note:** Sorry. I know, I said I was going to do one with America in the last chapter, but I can't think of anything for him. At least thought of this and a few others as well.

I hope you them.

* * *

Germany found the perfect job. The job that was the best suited for him and no, it didn't involve being in the military. It was surprisingly, baking at a bakery. He never told anyone about this and he didn't want them to find about it. Everyone would laugh at him and/or annoy him to no-end, if he did.

He loved to bake. The sweet smells, people doing what they are told, everything was cleaned up after use and placed in the correct places, just about everything there was soothing. When his bosses offer him the job, thinking it would take some stress off of the strict German, he took it, though masked his eagerness with disinterest.

Life looked bright for Germany that as is before he got in order French croissants and send them out. Just as he was about to he saw, someone he knew. He retreat back into the kitchen. One of the nation were there and no surprise that it was France. That would explained the croissants. The question now how he was going to conceal his identity from the French nation. He thought for a bit until an idea popped in his brain.

He later came out with a mustache, a mustache that kept after another failed attempt at taking him down by Romano. The German nation walked and spoke up in a disguised voice. "Uh, here's order, sir."

"Oh, _Merci, bon homme._ I 'am sorry, this establishment as terrible customer service. The cashier kept confusing my order for some else's."

"Yeah. I'll be sure to tell my bosses about that. Have a great day." Germany muttered ignoring the rage and the slight panic that started to build inside of him.

"Wait? Ave I seen you before?"

"Uh, no... I just started here and-"

"Oh, my bad, I tought you where someone else. _Merci._ Well, I 'am off. _Au revoir._ The French man said before walked out.

"Grrrr!" Fortunate for him his other orders were easier, especially Liechtenstein and Switzerland's. The Swizz man wanted them to get out as soon possible and while the little did questioned the German man a bit, but press any farther and had to with her brother. Germany was never glad for Switzerland's anti-social personality before.

Things went down for him when he brought an order that belong to America. He hopped the American would annoyed the hell out him, though knowing how that nation acts, that was just wishful thinking; but just as he walked up to the American, he saw that America looked a bit off.

"Uh, excuse me did you order a dozen maple syrup flavored doughnuts?"

"Uh, oh? Thanks." The American said as he was about to take his order only stooping for a second before he asked. "Uh, Germany?" The voice was soft-toned, not the voice that from the loudmouth American nation.

"Uh, America?"

"No, you got the wrong guy. I 'am Canada."

"Oh, uh? Right. Sorry about that."

"It's okay, I get that a lot."

"Right, you won't tell anyone about this, would you?"

"Don't worry, I won't. Well I got to go. See you later. Thanks, again." As the nation, Germany a smile on his face. Whoever was this Canadia nation is, he was very different from America in term of personality. The German soon went back to his job, hoping the next orders, would good a this one's was.


	7. Denmark's Job

**Author's note:** Yeah; I know it's been a while and though might not have America's job posted yet, I thought of a new one. Yep, it's ever so lovable Denmark, however told through Norway's POV.

Hopefully, the next chapter won't take so long get out.

* * *

Through all the centuries Norway been alive and hung-out with England, Romania, and Denmark despite said Dane doing all the hanging-out, you would think that that Norwegian have seen everything. However, there are times that made even the dead-pan nation questioned. Who the hell hired Denmark for preschool teacher?

"Hey little bro!" Denmark said with a smile as Norway stared at the scene of the crazy Danish man, hanging from a rope-human piñata style with little kids below him, having baseball bats grins that matched Denmark's usual ones.

"Hey Mister, do you want to join in our play time?" uttered one of the children as all attention fallen on Norway.

The Norwegian thought for a moment. As tempting as knocking the annoyance over the head with a baseball bat was, he turned and walk away with a stoic face.

"Wa- wait? NORGE!" He'll let Denmark get his just-deserts with the parents.


	8. England's job

England sat in the radio studio. Having his own talk show. His bosses wanted him get out more, so that's what he did. This was his time to share his good manners to the rest of the world. Despite what a certain French snob would tell you, he had good manners just not towards the people he hated.

Just then, the first called popped up. He answered it. "Yes, hello, what mannerly advice could I give to tonight?"

 _"I like cats."_ The caller stated in a tired kind-of monotone tone, Greek accented voice.

"Yes, that is good. Now, what problem are you having sir?"

 _"I like small cats."_

"Yes, we got that-" Like that, the caller interrupt him.

 _"I like big cats, brown cats, fuzzy cats, cats, cats, cats I like cats-"_ He didn't know who was at the other end, however they did sound familiar, regardless, they were testing his patience as they rattle on about cats.

Just then an accrual cat's _"Meow-"_ was heard, but England hung up before the insanity continued any farther. Whoever was that caller they must have token something before making that call; maybe got a hold of Netherlands?

After a few seconds the he picked up the next caller. "Hello, what mannerly advice could I give to you tonight?"

 _"Keseses-"_

"Hold on, Glibert?"

 _"Hey'a dork wad. This talk show is so lame, not even that unwasome Austria could make it awesome."_

"Did you called just to say that?"

 _"No way, the awesome me need get on Lud's good side, after I got sent to jail for awesomely setting that party at that awesome New Year's Eve party I had."_ Oh, yes that party? The English man knew of that party all too well. There were pictures up on the internet and everything. He was even in one of those. Arthur cursed at himself for being in something that brain-dead. _"So how can the awesome me awesomely kiss major butt? Because I 'am awesome."_

"EASY, DON'T DO STUPID STUFF YOU GIT!" He then hang-up on him and groan. He felt sorry for Germany. Poor guy must have been through hell and back just by taking care of his older brother. Damn!

Fortunately for England's misery the insanity continued. The next caller called up. "Hello-"

 _"Hahaha! Yo, Attie dude, I didn't know you have your own talk show!"_

"Alfred, how in the hell did you found this channel?"

 _"Brit dude, check it? I was looking for jams to play at my super awesome party and I found your lame**** channel! Strange right? Hahaha!"_

It was at that moment he hung up on the American. What's with this talk show and it's power to attract the most craziest people he knew?

He bought on his next caller. "Hello, what mannerly advice could I give to you tonight?"

 _"Hello?"_ The caller greeted. The voice sounded like a young girl with kind-of Germanic accent. _"I would want to know; what's the best way too sat a table?"_

The English man happily told her, relief that the girl was reasonable, although a little oblivious. But compared to Prussia's or America's personality, it was nice.

After the called ended and the girl saying thank you, England was left with a smile on his face from his accomplishment. That's until the next caller themselves know.

"So, like yeah, could you tell me like know what color's the most trendy."

"It's not that kind of radio show, Feliks." Yep. Poland. Arthur could tell it was the polish nation. The big give away was the Polish accent and talking in a valley-girl manner with a guy's voice. Why don't you ask a good manner questioned?"

"Like, so do you think hot pink or turquoise blue would work better?'

"You know, there's other callers on the line-"

"Hot pink like totally hot right now, but turquoise blue would better in-" Upon knowing where the conversation was going he diced to cut it there.

"Is there anyone that has a real question related to manners?"

Soon there next caller popped up. "Hello, what mannerly advice could I give to you tonight?"

He waited for a few seconds, but no one answered.

"Hello?"

Still no response.

"Hello, what mannerly advice could I give to you tonight?" He questioned again this time in a bit firmer tone, however it didn't work there were no voice coming through.

He decided to end it, which made a quiet Canadian, who wanted to know how to get noticed in a polite way, depressed.

The next caller that followed on other hand, was a different story.

 _"Could you help me get this girl I like?"_ said the voice of a young man.

"Well, I suppose I could-wait, who is this?"

 _"It's me, Toris."_

"Oh? Listen? Just be suave and gentle with her and not some pompous French man, you should be find."

 _"I'll try that, thank you."_

That went better than expected. He soon though that things might start to look bright, however fate had other plans-curlew plains, but plans nonetheless.

"******! I need some help getting my _idotia_ of a brother away from every ****** _idotia?"_ You don't have to be on the other of the line to know that was Romano. His foul mouth and thick Italian accent was a dead real give away-wait wasn't he scared of England? He must have not notice who was on the other end. However, it did made the English curious.

"Frist off; wash your mouth out with soap and second; this isn't babysitting service, you git!"

 _"Listen here idiotia?-"_

As you can imagine the argument that formed gone for quite a while. It got so insane that England cursed along with him. Now the reason this is not being told because to one: save time and two: much of it would pretty be censored otherwise you could kiss this story good-bye.

By the end of it all, England felt a margined starting to form. These people would the end of him yet. Despite the pain the show must go on. He got a hold of the next caller.

"Hello, I was looking for how to lose my little sister, Natalia for a while?"

"IVAN, IS THAT YOU?"

 _"Aw, you found me out?"_ It was no other than Russia. England's heart raced as he froze. _"So you will you do it comrade? Da?"_ There was no way he stick his figure in that hive. He soon hung up on the creepy Russian.

Over at Russia's house, said silver hair Russian looked his phone was no beeping. "Hello? Hm? He must have hanged up?" He said as he sounded in a non-disappointed tone.

Meanwhile, England knew that he might hearing something from Russia later on, but he wasn't going to let that stop him. He pulled the last bit of strength he had answered one last call.

 _"So Arttie are we game for-"_ At his last straw, the English man hung up on the American. He bid everyone who was list a Farwell before heading off to the nearest pub and drink himself stupid. Maybe it was time to look for a new job?

* * *

 **Author's note:** I hope you guys like this. I boringly wanted to a scene where Belarus prank calls England and a few other things, but I figured that would too redundant, so there you go.

Also, I got an idea for the next chapter. Hopefully I can get that up soon.


End file.
